The Glen Esk Ballroom

When you are old, it is hard to get started...

2011-04-18T00:58:00.000-07:00

This is a Falcon I have neglected. I managed to get it started using a flagon from Galbraiths Ale House filled with petrol. My rebuilt fuel pump works well, there is some problem between the cleaned out, repainted, rust-removed fuel tank and the rebuilt pump. The car has relocated to Avondale.

Oh Hello 2011

2011-01-06T06:45:00.001-08:00

Is there any chance I can actually be committed and disciplined enough to do this again? Stay tuned.

Substitute Zombies

2010-05-18T03:45:00.001-07:00

So, I once had a solution to a work brief, but the more I think about it the more it seems it'd also be pretty sweet as a plan for the upcoming Inevitable Zombie Apocalypse. So, if we substitute my XE Falcon ute for the XD in this illustration, and imagine there is a zombie on that bicycle rather than the lycra-clad bicyclist (resisting urge to say faggot) then I do believe I have designed a pretty awesome zombie clearance ve-hicle. I also wonder if feeding zombie mince to capybaras and wild dogs is a good idea or we may just end up with zombiecapybaras and zombiehounds. Good hunting either way though eh?

Family Heirlooms

2010-05-11T01:52:00.001-07:00

Sometimes things just fall together. I went up to visit an Uncle last weekend who I haven't seen in a couple of years. He was in the process of doing some cleaning out and told me I could come get my Dad's tool cabinet. I did. It is awesome. Awesome because now i have somewhere sweet to store my tools. More awesome for the fact that inside it is where my Grandad has labelled a shelf because it was his before it was my Dad's. Vinnie and I gave it a cleanout, some rust treatment and a Coop devil sticker, because that's our trademark.

Remember the Apocalypse?

2010-05-09T21:00:00.000-07:00

Me and the Brew Crew got to bottling the ginger beer I laid down a week or so ago on Saturday. Each had a part in the process and it was a perfect little assembly line really. We scored a grand total of 25 quarts, quite impressive really. I didn't bother doing any gravity checking, so the actual acohol content should be an amusing surprise for those who consume them. Given I added about 1.5 kg of sugars, it should be on the far side of 4%. It'll go into the shelter for when the zombie hordes attack.

Black, Blue, Bronze, Bacon, Back.

2010-05-05T02:59:00.000-07:00

So the ute is back, beautifully cut and polished, and with a fresh gearbox, and a new tailight, and my wallet incredibly light. Mainly due to AA insurance having a dipshit assessor who refutes that the damage done to the gearbox occurred in the crash. So I plan on writing a joyous letter to them about that.

The Bronze had a major underhaul, with the petrol tank out and treated internally with evaporust, then sanded by my young assistants, and coated in three layers of primer, then put back in. Lines need to be hooked up and all the final bits put on this weekend, then she'll have a test run on the petrol. While it was out of the way I got underneath with the rust converter and treated all the shitty surface rust on the poor old girl and replaced the diff oil. Still needs a test run but should be good. Then an exhaust and road legality testing. Good bye more money.

And to celebrate all this frickin awesome hard work and task completion and youthful achievement we all ate delicious Colonial Bacon sandwiches. Celebracon! Yum.

Easing In

2010-04-19T02:33:00.000-07:00

The ute is still somewhere, I don't exactly know where, getting fixed, hopefully. I am about to fire up The Bronze as a daily. She got a couple hundred dollars worth of love on the weekend, so I won't be eating this month but will be going to work in style.

Other than that I have nothing to say about anything.

On the Go slow

2010-04-11T13:27:00.000-07:00

I have done little lately, i put some mags on the Battletruck, had some bitch crash into the front of it and decommision the reverse gear in the gearbox. Now I'm waiting on AA Insurance to get their shit together so she's sitting forelornly in the drive way at The Ballroom. I got inspired to make some Ginger Bee. I got the Brewcraft kit,, which is nothing like I remembered and seems like nothing more than a can of malt extract and a flavoursachet. i gues sthe proof will be in the bottle in a month or two. I lack motivation to write. This is all.

Oh yeah, I forgot I went to Beach Hop 2010 at whangamata, so if you want to see pics of awesome hot rods, rat rods, and other V8 stuff, check out my flickr page

Yeah, and I did a stencil of those fantails. And I gave someone the design for a tattoo, pics when it happens.

I am a little slower

2010-03-23T01:47:00.000-07:00

I've been busy/lazy. Lots of little things but nothing big and worth adding, I did the brakes on the XE Ute on the weekend, just in time, straight forward, I should go pro. I was gonna write a "How To" but I got my hands dirty and stuck into it and forgot. I also started flickring my photos. If you're into photos. I only have a cellphone camera, luckily it's a Sony and cybershots have always done me good. Oh yeah I also went to watch the Classic Racing at Hampton Downs with 2 of my small spermgrowths, where my friend Adam was racing his Mk 1 Escort. All my friends drive Fords. Being a lame cameraless cunt I took no pics. I should bite the bullet and buy one eh?

Stop! ok.

2010-03-07T12:53:00.000-08:00

The XB falcon now has some beautiful hand-formed brakelines feeding the precious fluid to the rear brakes. No major fuckups, everything went pretty sweet. All that remains is an exhaust system and reinstall of the petrol tank. And a few more hundred dollars. Oh joy. Did got my certificate of motorbike riding. was fun. i need sleep.

Well, since you asked

2010-03-05T00:37:00.002-08:00

I'm sure you're wondering what the fuck I am up to this weekend. Good question. I should, in theory make those brakelines happen, I have straightened all the line, so all it;'ll take would be some commitment and use of the DOUBLE flaring kit I bought, and some time. I should do that. And then, I guess I also have the next project; I picked up some EPS (Expanded Polystrene or somesuchshit, might not be EPS) but basically it's the foam from the packing of a new Mac monitor I got from my dear friends in the digital department. I'm gonna cut it, shape it a bit, make it hold a speaker that'll fit into a tight spot in my XE Falcon ute, and then bog it and fibreglass coat it and make it awesonme. But first the XB. I may've even found a new fuel sender unit, as it turns out the one I cleaned up is too shagged to be reused. Hmmm, sux but good. Oh, and I plan on getting my basic handling skills cert via riderskills. I even got a Matt Black Helmet with an iridium lens. I'm so badass it hurts your mum. Ask her. Go on, ask her.

Cooking up some cool shit

2010-02-28T19:56:00.000-08:00

The notion of putting a roof over your kids' heads is all very well, the reality of putting an actual roof, or ceiling to be accurate, over a child's head is slightly different, nonetheless took a swing at it on the weekend.

And so, in the accompanying photos you'll see the original roof from when we moved in through to where it is about now. From the ripping and removing of about a hundred years of crap, some dodgy seventies cover-up renovation, some rewiring and installing of some flash new lighting and some aligning of lines that show up every bow and curve in a saggy old cottage. I actually neglected to take a shot at the end of the day, as i was not neglecting a well-earned beer but basically it looks fucking awesome. Big ups to my sister for her brains and logic.

And, you will see, that the brake line dilemma has been resolved, I now have two reasonably straight lengths of line ready to be bent into position.

Internal Dialogues

2010-02-25T02:38:00.000-08:00

So, I've been quietly musing the brake line saga in my head as I still need to, and want to get it done. The lines from the shop are coiled for transport and i've been trying to figure out how to straighten them for rebending and refitting. I toyed with the idea of skateboard wheels to roll it between and then it occured to me today. Get a Bit of 2x4 and put a hole through it about the same diameter as the external diameter of the pipe, a touch smaller, then pull the coiled pipe through it, in theory, straigtening it. If it doesn't work get two pieces of 2x4. This is my theory. I have practised the flaring on the spare length I have. I can do it.

I have also sold the big flash tdo5hra turbo off the VR4 to fund a rebuild of the original unit. Realistically I can't afford to tweak it like a bitch at the moment, so if i can at least get it on the road I'll feel like I've achieved something. Too many cars. Once it's on the road I'll probably flick it, or at least swap it for a motorbike.

Or maybe a bike and motor so I can build something like this...

Big little shit

2010-02-22T00:51:00.001-08:00

For all you ceiling freaks I have mapped out my kitchen on Illustrator. It is an interesting shape I'm sure you'll agree. It is getting redone this weekend according to my mental plan. I have grooved sheets of board that'll give it a simulated Tongue & Groove effect. Matching up lines, on an awkward shape, kinda like wallpapering on your back, but heavier, and harder. Doesn't sound like a recipe for disaster. Anyhting has gotta be better than those shit woolen cardboard tiles though. So that's something to look forward to, in the meantime maybe reflect on the stripped and semi-varnished HWC and doorframes. And the beading i put around the bottom of the back of the fire. My first mitring. Shocking job I admit, still better than not being finished, let whoever owns it next fix it.

My life as an abject failure.

2010-02-15T19:58:00.001-08:00

I never got around to doing the brakes, and I feel a bit like a failure, for letting down the thousands of you out there who come here because this site pops up when you google chatroulette.com or batporn or whatever it is that you looked up that got you here, but bitch, be cool, I did make a chicken prison. I hate chickens. They are painfully annoying c&#ts. So I made a chicken prison camp. Freerange is fine, if you like shit everywhere and being harassed by malevolent red beasts that destroy your garden and enter your house to shit every where. I’d like to get rid of them, I wasn’t allowed, but I did get to make this magnificent structure to detain them. I rule. I also did more awesome shit. But this is the major thing. Oh and I started stripping down some doors I discovered. I have a better project in mind. Stay tuned.

Stop. Hammerzeit

2010-02-11T20:21:00.000-08:00

And so, you can see one very awesome double-flaring kit to suit brake tubing. I have about 4 metres worth in the ute, and this weekend i will use that, the fittings I got from the team at Sterling Brake & Clutch in Onehunga and this sweet little bitch that Tony from Repco, Grey Lynn ordered in to manufacture and lay in my own new brake lines. It may well have cost me near as much as it would cost to have them done by a pro. Maybe not, but now I have the tools and a new skill.
Ad tomorrow I am also collecting 6 sheets of grooved MDF to put a fakey roof in the kitchen of the ballroom. The grooves will make it look like it is actually T&G,then I shall use my detailing skills to dirty it up and 'freak it' (tech term that one) and appear original. I think this is what they call, in the industry, a bodge job. Mwahhahaha.

Hippie Hot Rodding

2010-02-08T00:48:00.000-08:00

So I got the motor components back on last weekend, the coil got taken off and cleaned too, so with everything nice and tidy I can track down any more leaks a bit easier. I took the seat belt with the missing tab into Gemmell’s Bag Repairs (Symonds St, Newton, where it's always been...) and the guy in there stitched it up for me for nothing which was awesome, cheers bro, so that can go back in, and with the exception of the exhaust, she should be warrantable. The only thing that really remains to get her on the road is flush out the fuel tank and replace all the brake fluid, two boring and stinky/dirty jobs.

I also made a shitload of Hummus from scratch as part of my clean up the insides of the temple exercise. It was kinda fun, soaking all the chickpeas rather than using canned ones, and mixing and blending till it tasted just right. I wish I could add a recipe but I made three very different batches playing with flavours and textures. Best way to cook really, just play and enjoy it.

Oh wait, I’m so slack at posting that the above, which I wrote last Wednesday, is now out of date.
So on the weekend I got the petrol tank out, a c^#t of a job thanks to one nut on the underside spinning and it being inaccessible thanks to the fuck-ugly towbar. So I realised if I was going to do it I’d need to go balls deep.

So, the towbar is now off, a prick of a job mainly due to the fact I had to go to Repco and get a new deep socket to get the bumper irons off as the tow bar is set up between them. And the staff at Repco Henderson, with the exception of the older woman, are a bunch of retarded shits. I dared show up at 4.55 on a Saturday, covered in grease, screaming into the carpark, obviously on a mission from god, and the shitty, stumpy, but vaguely cute blonde bitch behind the counter had the audacity to speak to me in one word commands and click her fucking fingers when I got to the counter. And I was at the counter about 45 seconds after I walked in the door coz I know my way round that store pretty bloody well given how much (time and) money I spend there. Rude as fuck. Luckily their Grey Lynn branch know their stuff and have tracked down all manner of shit for me without a problem and with great service, otherwise I’d boycott Repco. Anyway, got it in the end and got home and thanks to my awesome friend (and six year old son) Vinnie I was able to get the heavy chrome bumper lined up and bolted in place in the dark of my powerless garage. And the valance panel. Sweet action.
Then we rinsed the guts off the possum skin we've been tanning, it's soft as anything on the back, i think thanks to my propriatry blend of curing paste - olive oil, baking soda and then a dash of vinegar, followed by a few weeeks of caking with salt. Nice and soft but holding the fur in.

And then I made Eye Fillet steak sandwiches for the boys for dinner, featuring my homemade Hummus.

I also painted the battery clamp in Ford Blue, only because some guy is charging $30 for them on trademe s it must be worth looking after. Fucked If I’m paying that to replace it. I also cleaned the blistering rust off the fuel tank sender unit which will hopefully work sweek when I’ve resoldered the pipe back in it’s rightful spot. See the before, can't be arsed adding the after but have faith it is sweet like your mamma.
Is that it? Oh, I also got the fantails stencilled onto the wall in Son Number 1's room, they need some detailing added, but you get the idea.

Ummm, also tracking down a brake tube flaring tool (via Repco Grey Lynn, not Henderson) so I can replace the lines on the Falcon that had rtusted to the point of bursting. So will be bending and rerouting them when I get that sorted. Putting in the cleaned petrol tank (although not essential as it runs on LPG sweet). Is that all? Oh yeah, making a yum Vege Risotto or the boys lunch tomorrow because I am a fucking ace dad.

Very fucking busy.

What's on the Ute?

2010-01-27T02:34:00.001-08:00

Someone I know has this thing on their blog called "What's on the Mannequin", coz that's what they do, sew things, so in their honour today I am having "What's on the Ute" - One of the joys of having a ute is it can carry all manner of crap, and it's easy, you pick it up and throw it in. Sweet. Especially sweet when you see something you want, for example a stack of alloy tread plates from a scaffolding set-up that'd be damn handy ramps if you, say, wanted to put a motorbike in the tray of your ute one day... Sweet. Thanks Mr. Side-of-the-road-scaffold-leaver-guy!

I also finished the Falcon petrol pump rebuild, looks purty and will be bolted on during the weekend, exactly when I'm not sure as I'm off to Pukekohe for the Classic Racing on Saturday and working Sunday. Who knows. Look at those pictures. Sweet action.

Works in Progress

2010-01-25T01:53:00.000-08:00

Being overwhelmed by motivation on the weekend, and stuck inside due to the rain, I decided it'd be a good day to take apart the fuel pump on the XB, it's an A.C. with a glass bowl that I could see was gunky as. I'd also found it was leaking, pumping gas on the side of the motor, which I've heard is a bit dangerous... So I took it off to replace the gasket, and the alternator, which I'll get to, and set about dismantling it. Which I did, I'd thought it was just a gasket that needed replacing, so it was kinda exciting to find that the inside had no gasket. So I opened the manual. Which I should've done much, much sooner. It's a diaphragm, not a gasket. So after the 'oh shit' moment I pulled it all to pieces and scrubbed the shit out of everything, planning to get the parts today. So it's not that easy finding a diaphragm for a 1974 Falcon. I tried the usual places and finally managed to track one down via this place - Basis. It's going to take a day or two to arrive but the guy I dealt with was really helpful, a nice change after the muppets at Repco.

And, so, the alternator is a Bosch one, one of the three or four you might be lucky enough to find on the pre-cross flow Falcons. Having learned my lesson with the fuel pump I opened and read the manual on disassembly. I just wanted to clean off the grease and get it looking tidy. Which was straight-forward and then i got stuck into the re-assembly, all straight forward until I didn't read the reassembly guide. Genius. Managed to snap off the brushes. So new ones are also on order. And so I'll be learning to solder...

Kumeu to Hamilton

2010-01-17T01:15:00.000-08:00

So the 2010 Kumeu Hot Rod and Classic Car show happened on the weekend. Oh yeah and the Big Day Out was on Friday, a big, draining weekend, so i didn't do much beyond attend things. Pretty much the highlight of the BDO was The Decemberists and Devendra Banhart, the rest of it was a bit on the meh side of life. Kumeu was also ok, I fell in love with a turboed XA Falcon wagon, running a pre-crossflow motor and a Garret T04 blowing thru the carb. Pretty sweet looking machine and for sale at what I reckon is a pretty damn cheap $9800. There was a nice arse-jacked Vauxhall Victor like my Grandad used to have, looking nice and eighties. And I snapped a shot of some weird, chopped, dropped thing. It was a weird arse looking thing, maybe started as some sort of agri or industrial vehicle. Looked cool whatever it is.

I shot down to Hamilton today and picked up a Fairmont front end for the ute so I can do a bit of a pseudo ESP thing on that. And met up with the guy I sold the Fairmont too, he's got a 302 and 4 speed in it now and she sounded good, and looked good hurtling along the road. I kinda miss that car.

Oh yeah, also finished painting the garage, put locks on it, put some posts in for the new chicken coop, went and saw The Fantastic Mr Fox and i think that was about it. Seems like enough to me.

auld lang signs

2010-01-11T01:06:00.000-08:00

So, a bit of a pictorial update as I figure out where to next.

I'm considering posts relating to the TDO5HRA-15G off a Makinen Edition Mitsi Evolution 6.5 I have sitting under the table in the carport next to the boring standard TDO5, that'd be interesting, but only coz I've spent half the night trying to figure out what the fuck i need to do to get it onto the 4g63t block from an e39 VR4 Galant I have rusting at a friends (refer pics, unfortunately the personalised plate SCUNGE has gone).

A post about my XE Fairmont that I swapped my N14 Pulsar (Sentra GT Cup style) for? It was a literally mint wagon, but I have since sold her to a lovely guy named Willie from South Auckland.

I'm considering posts on the Ford Falcon XE ute that I now own and I have bought (but have yet to collect) the Fairmont front for.

The awesome short kiwi roadtrip through the central North Island back from picking it up (after a train ride on the Overlander down country), the first 'truck' load it carried for my sister. So many, many things.

Some housecraft type things, like a Cut Collective style wall in the boy's playroom.

The joy of spending NYE watching your six year old boys play checkers by candle light, or getting up the next day at 7am to hunt rabbits. How to skin a possum and cure the skin using your own special concoction to avoid it getting too crunchy? How not to grow tomatoes?

The joys of Tailgatin' NZ style?

I dunno, here's some pics, sorry about the formatting, blogger is an annoying cunt and I have a short attention span with no eye for detail.

oh hai 2010!

2010-01-07T12:34:00.000-08:00

So, it’s all new and different. And I’m about ten years older mentally, which is probably making me act more age appropriate but has undertones of boring I routinely reject.

In retrospect I realised I never mentioned the relocation of the ballroom, so the new Ballroom is The West Coast Ballroom. I shall upload some pics from the purchase date, about 15 months ago, and the current state and you can fill in the blanks as you wish.

But mainly I’m kicking this back into gear for the projects side of things, those niggly little things I really enjoyed doing but neglected to shit.

Hold tight, it’s going to be a ride.

Apparently we still have a pulse...

2008-10-20T23:43:00.001-07:00

...and there are bulbs in the ground.
And spirits in the still.
And I have two maps.
And two wolves.

Dusting off the Piano

2008-07-24T03:59:00.001-07:00

The ballroom is getting cleaned up and will hopefully be back in business soon. The shed (behind Door #2 Bob, with the majestic antique padlock) has been cleaned and currently has three fermenters bubbling away. Two are dedicated to spirit production at the moment as levels are low and demand is high – it's an economic recession motherfuckers, time to moonshine! There's also 23l of a well-hopped ale in there. Nothing to match an Epic Armageddon, but what could? I bottled 5 dozen tallies last weekend and they're conditioning in the cool Waitarua nights. Outside the shed I've had some seeds germinate (Broccoli, Kale, Peas) and heap of bulbs have popped up, my daffodils and Dutch irises, so thats looking ace. The Bronze is awaiting the sun. A few stencils are awaiting the scalpel. Shits happening.

Someone made some labels for some BrewNZ Beervana promo bottles.

And some mean posters for Malthouse

It's a Dose, It's almost Daily. It's definitely Bogan.

2008-06-18T20:38:00.000-07:00

There are plenty of wheels you can put on a Falcon.
Eric Bana put 17 inch Custom made Minilites on his.
Doesn’t mean I have to.
I don’t turn green and blow my nut just coz he did.
I can.
But I don't.

There were three real options in the seventies.
Tridents, Turbos or Hotwires.
I could have gone The Tridents.
Like everyone else.
Nah.
Cheviot Turbos like on the General Lee.
Say no more.

I got some Hot Wires.
14 inches of twisted fun.

An Old Idea

2008-06-15T19:53:00.000-07:00

This is the view from Room 12D at the Quest on Johnston St, Wellington. The view is of the HP Tower down on Featherston St. Close to the ANZ & National Bank. A fine looking tower, all mirrory and exciting. Please note that on top is a rather attractive HP Logo

Kinda like this one, but white. For ease of explanation I’ll use this to demonstrate what I’m thinking.

Voila, it’s the nightime. There's another alien! OMG! You'll notice all the little worker bees are still in the HP hive, but, it’s a bit hard to tell it’s HP coz there’s some bars missing from the sides of that neon sign up there and the ‘n’ is gone from ‘invent’
Hmmm, invent...

This shows whats missing from the neon sign...

This is a picture of a projector. You can find out all about it here.

I’d like to get a projector of some description and similar power to replace the missing bits of the neon light, ideally in a contrasting colour like red, from a neighbouring building. The one shown there is probably bigger than what we’d need but demonstrates the idea.

I reckon it’d be pretty easy to spin some PR out of it.

And every night at 12 I’d like it to flash ‘invert’ for thirty seconds.

All the Prophets in their Houses

2008-06-13T02:18:00.000-07:00

There was a fantastic HBO show called Carnivale that ran on TV ONe for a while. Well worth digging up. I have some on DVD. It has the most fantastic art direction and direction and art department and visual appeal ever.

Oh yeah, Happy Superstition.

Update

2008-05-21T18:47:00.000-07:00

We're relocating and renovating.

More news when there is some.

Have you had your Daily Dose of Bogan today?

2008-04-09T14:44:00.001-07:00

I was going to write this about picking the right dog.
The right dog is the one that gets out of the sack before drowning.
It might be a Staffy/Rotty/Shepherd/Doberman/Ridgey – ideally a bit of each.
If it lacks these bloodlines it is not a dog.
It’s a fucking gerbil.
Unless you’re Mel Gibson.
In which case you can have a Blue Heeler.
And an XB Falcon.
Like me.
And Eric Bana.
The important thing about a dog is its name.
Dog is fine.
So is Caesar. Cleveland. Windsor. Rogue.
Wolf. Yes. Fang. No. Brutus. Maybe.
Cerberus? Don’t be a smarmy twat.
Dog is fine.
Eric Bana has a dog.
It could kill Mel Gibson.

Who wants to be your dog?
I wanna be your dog
Iggy Pop version
Wilco version

It's your Daily Dose of Bogan!!

2008-04-08T02:08:00.000-07:00

Ducati.
The classic café racer.
A classic café race involves putting a song on at your fave café, racing to a designated point and returning to hear the end of the song, with a hot espresso waiting.
Played a similar game once, involving two car dealerships, a Skyline GTR and a slightly stronger stimulant.
Vanishing Point styles.
Through Avondale.
Less Bulldozer.
Never stand up in court.
Hearsay.
Eric Bana engages in fictitious narcotic activities.
He’s an actor.
He also has a Ducati.
5 in fact.
I shit you not.

Here’s the list.
900 Monster
RS 748 SuperSport
900 SuperSport
SP3 851 SuperBike
888 Doug Polen Replica SuperBike

Mean.
I have a Ducati.
888.
Red.
Doug Polen Tamiya Replica Edition.
1/12th.
Me. Eric. Tight.

Thematic music links...
Richard Thompson Vincent Black Lightning
Tracey Chapman Fast Car

Another day, another dose.

2008-03-30T12:59:00.001-07:00

Tattoos are cool.
A right of passage for any self-respecting bogan.
I have tattoos.
I’m not sure about Eric Bana.
He did when he played Chopper Read though.
That’s cool.
They show you’ve made it to sixteen and are ready to leave home.
They show you can and do root anything and everything that moves.
Not so good if you’re a girl.
If you’re a girl it shows you’re sixteen and it’s acceptable for your uncles to crack onto you when they’re round watching the league with your old man while your Auntie’s getting drunk on Baileys in the kitchen with your mum.
And there’s a special kind of tattoo that your Uncle specially loves, that’ll get him asking you to find that video of the highlights of the Kiwis games from the eighties in the VHS under the Trinitron knowing full well your brother taped Predator over the top of it in 92.
The Tramp Stamp.
There’s all sorts of legends floating around on the internet about what the various ‘tribal’ shapes and pseudo-Deco curves of a tramp stamp or ‘butt antlers’ actually mean.
One word summary folks, Slut.
Maybe once they were hot.
Once.
That first week you had it done.
If you were the first in your fifth form class to have it done and no-one else’s parents would let them.
If.
I doubt.

And if you’re a guy and you were raised by inbred backwater hillbillies (feasible although unlikely in 2007, especially in NZ) you might be considering a tattoo on the small of your back.
No.
If, and only if, you’re being held down in prison and having BITCH engraved with a needle and ballpoint is it acceptable to have this part of your manhood tattooed.
Only until you find some Hydrochloric Acid to erase it.
Better scars than a tattoo there.
The only thing that should be gracing this part of a man’s back is back hair.
Like mine.
I haven’t checked Eric Bana.

Where should a man’s tattoos be?
For a man the shoulders, chest, ribcage, on your neck creeping up to under your rats-tail, arms, legs are valid locations.
In fact pretty much anywhere. Everywhere is encouraged.
But the bottom of the back?
No.
Not at all.

A stamped tramp, yesterday.

Daily Dose of Bogan

2008-03-25T03:48:00.000-07:00

Decided to migrate these over here.

I'm thinking, to help you all get as acely bogan as my good self I'll give you a "Daily Dose of Bogan" - An educational supplement introducing you to some key elements of bogan culture.

Today, Ladies & Gentlemunts,
The XB Falcon Coupe.
Yup, primer black too.
Some people call them hard tops. There was no soft top, so why be a dick? Call it a coupe.
The car Mad Max drove was a modified XB Falcon coupe.
There were also several XA & XB sedans used as Main Force Patrol Cars.
I have an XB Sedan.
Doesn’t make me cool though.
Owning an XB Sedan, having tattoos and fathering nothing but boys does though.
In Road Warrior the XB Coupe was modified into with 40 gallon external fuel tanks.
There was a dickie seat attached to the door for his dog, a blue heeler.
This is a GT Coupe, they ran a 351 cubic inch V8.
The cars followed the american pony car style, as pioneered by the Mustang.
It is RWD, essential for doing burnouts.
The XB was the first Falcon to introduce a disc brake front as standard. Making Burnouts even easier. And safer.
You can fit at least 8 crates of Lion Red in the boot.
You will have to inflate the air shocks to 93psi to compensate for this load.
Eric Bana has an XB coupe.
Doesn’t make him cool though.
Owning an XB coupe and playing Chopper Read does though, so he squeezes in there.
Nice one Eric.
You and me bro.

And really there’s only one appropriate track to go with that car.
AC/DC – Highway to Hell.

Rock on children
Lml.

There's gonna be dancing in The Ballroom tonight...

P.s. This won’t actually be Daily, I’m far too lazy.

Happy Race Relations Day

2008-03-21T01:11:00.000-07:00

from all your friends at The Glenesk Ballroom

The weekend definitely sucked.

2008-03-17T20:13:00.000-07:00

I had the flu. bad. but thats ok. Gonna be extra productive soon. Extra.

What goes down must come up.

2008-03-13T12:17:00.000-07:00

I had a shitty arsefuck of a day yesterday. But I’m not going to worry about that because the good news is that The Gutter Twins have finally, finally released their album. Better yet, I have it on the d/l coz SubPop is schmart and are selling it for only $9.99 online. Make it yours.

I might have also scored myself a Wilco ticket, so that’ll be nice.

I also got this ace wallpaper for my macbook via boingboing
at this place here.

See more from the guy who designed this, Dustin Hostetler, aka UPSO. I like the diamonds, they are purty and go nice with my header. I’m so fashion-relevant.

And, in the spirit of my ambitions to own that badboy falcon ute below, I’ve made a road-trip mixtape that I plan on playing as I bring it on home.
New Gutter Twins track on it.
Long roads, alone.
Killer scenery.
And I’ll probably take the Greenhornes album, Sewed Soles that I got recently too. Its some heavy grimy 60’s stylin’ but not. Might even go via the Hawkes Bay where there’s an EA wagon to check out for the wahine.

In theory those stars should be MiG’s but quick games are good ones, and quick covers, cover bases.

Here's the tracks in two parts, total of about 130Mb. 1 and 2. With a surprise bonus track.

Stink

2008-03-11T02:39:00.000-07:00

Been toying with idea of getting into a bit of this, sadly suspect it's gonna get quite popular now.
r.i.p.

Lazy Weekend

2008-03-09T14:10:00.000-07:00

I was sick and did next to nothing. By next to nothing I mean, made a batch of vodka, dug out my gladioli & iris bulbs, dug out and potted my day lilies, dug out my pomegranate tree, prepped a mandarin tree for removal, ate some of the passionfruit I grew from a one foot plant into a sprawling mass that covers two water tanks, cleaned up the shed, rationalised the homebrew crates and found myself an XE Falcon ute to buy.

Please refer to this diagram to see how this will impact on my life.

I also dreamed endlessly and was visited by a friend with a project of his own. To which end I provided him with some 80% spirit and my best wishes.

Also discovered a funny, undernourished webforum; The Forum of Awesome and Manliness. I may have to subscribe.

I also had a hack at the seat but found my rivets were a little too short. No stress, better slowly and properly than rushed and ruined eh?

Rivetting!

2008-03-04T18:45:00.000-08:00

Pun. Sorry. I finally got some bifurcated rivets. I never did find my little tin of copper ones that is somewhere, packed away carefully. I managed to find some at Mitre10 – about 20 for only $23 when I was grabbing some more plywood. Bollocks. And they had none of the sizes of ply I usually get. Mega useless. So I went across the road to Jeff's Emporium and found the rivets for 5 cents each. So now I have a selection and can/will get the seat for the trike finished. The leather has been shaping round the alloy bit for ages now, so it's nicely curved. I should really do a dummy assembly and take a pic. Just so you don't think I'm talking bollocks.

AK47 - Ready for delivery

2008-03-02T19:44:00.000-08:00

I'm proud to announce that the first case of AK47 is ready to be delivered. A few bottles of the Green Jesus, some Cinnamunt and plain old AK-47.

Quality control however was a bit lax, and as you can see if you look closely, a spider is in one of the bottles. I think it's kinda apt. Pity it's not slightly larger and more tarantula styles. Next batch. That's an Ed Roth rat-fink font. Also apt for spiders in bottles. Hurrah!

I am a distillery (and so much more).

2008-02-24T18:13:00.001-08:00

I am most excited. I have ordered a case of bottles that'll be getting filled this weekend. Pro-steez. And just so you don't think my priorities in life are completely wrong I'd like to point out I did visit my garden this weekend, despite the rain and and can say that finally, after what seems like months, my Italian Precoce Broccoli is beginning to sprout. It is pretty, and when a little bigger I will take a photo. I also looked at the (renamed) Taupaki Bulbs site and have lined up some irises I will order if god smiles on me and all my plans fall into place regarding housing, working and living. They are rust red and blue, a most peculiar colour combo, not particularly pretty, but interesting to have. Kinda like an Edsel.

My tomatoes are all very disappointing this year. It seems that they cross-pollinated last year with My Beloved's cherry toms, so they are mid-sized and red, rather than voluptuous black orbs. I want a glasshouse.

Did I tell you my Wormwood seeds arrived? Oh yes, they did.

Girls on Film

2008-02-21T13:21:00.000-08:00

My Queens of the Stone Age tickets arrived. I should have ordered more. They're playing with the Pumpkins. Project-wise I've been semi-slacking, more interested in commercial ventures – been producing stencils on canvas to sell. It's still a project. Stuff featuring GT Falcons seems to sell well. No one digs the F100 so much. Fools. Only doing 8x8 canvases as they're nice and easy. Might do a boxload for Beach Hop.

AK47

2008-02-13T20:21:00.000-08:00

With some fantastic work by The Westie Wasteland, AK47 vodka has it's very own ad starring none other than the dashing, debonair, Dan. Alcohol makes you a muppet. Here's the proof. Proof, get it? Copywriter joke!

Oh yeah, AK47 is the 47% vodka I've been dishing out to punters who want it. Apparently it's already responsible for more than one grown man crying and, admirably, one stomach pumping.

It's a summer night

2008-02-12T16:23:00.000-08:00

You can tell, coz it's raining.

I got to thinking I have a back cat of comp cd's I should sling out there.
And, dear Reader,I owe you a Summer Knights comp I've been promising since at least a week ago. Click the motherfucking link. It's a raw mix of songs I wanted to listen to. I was gonna craft it and theme it and try and please you. But really, what have you ever done for me?
Dad, you are An hero to me...

GAME not OVER

2008-02-06T15:14:00.000-08:00

I haven't been posting much, but i have been doing shit. I re-assembled the front wheel of the trike, it was a prick of a job and I scratched a few of the delicious red spokes, so there'll be a bit of retouching to be done.

I also bought myself a nice big metal tool box, plain galvanised tin, so i primed that and spray painted it a nice red inside. Then added a Coop, Rat Fink and NZHRA sticker so it looks the part. It's tigerstripe primer on the outside coz that's low-key.

I cleaned up the Falcon a bit and installed a CD player and 6x9's so it can rock, but they're Fusion speakers and they have shit-tinny sound. Not ace.

And, in the break over Xmas I made those cool alien cutout's you see above. I'm making masses of them and will string them into the classic Space Invader formation and hang them on the wall. Cool. Also made the Galaga spaceship to go underneath. Designed a poster or two for a friend. Made nearly 20 litres of Spirit. Grew some Salvia.

Same old, same old.

Dirty Beast

2008-01-30T19:12:00.000-08:00

This is a bit of a Glen Esk Ballroom Project and a bit of a West Auckland Wasteland project. We've been printing these bumper stickers and then putting them on cars. Fun! I haven't been to beasttube, been to redtube, I can imagine what'd happen at beast-tube. I'd rather not, but I can. For some reason the jpeg above is coming out blue, but you can make it red and print your own if you're a clever little beaver.

Print it on some sticky paper and slap it on the car of someone you love.
Send us a pic if you do.

And to all you sick puppies looking for puppy sex on google and ending up here; Thanks, any hits a good hit.

Happy Yoyar

2008-01-13T22:33:00.000-08:00

Thats what kids say, last year. Took until this year to figure it out. I've been holidaying. Less action. Kinda slow. Too hot to move. Reduced output. Fuck it.

INVASION!

2007-12-17T15:07:00.000-08:00

It's nearly that day. Here's my v.own Arch-Angel on top of my tree. Ace.

Them be some purty flowers I grew. And a cat. Case you were getting confused. Is not a Piha Panther. They're slightly larger. And nocturnal.

I love plywood. I can make some great fun things from it. Easy-pease.

If I can find some stronitium whatsit things would glow in the dark. But as yet, I can't.

Eggs in baskets.

2007-12-10T02:28:00.001-08:00

I realised I haven't talked about moonshine or hotrods in a while. I am making The Green Jesus, a potent little number. Do drop by over summer and try some. Bring a sausage for the grill. And wormwood if you can.
My Gladiolis are looking ace, the purples are near all done, the last of the pinks is in a vase. A yellow is starting to open. Oh look! Here's one I made earlier, she made it look pretty. And a delicious Epic Porter to boot. Nice label, bet I did that. Some of the Lilies are coming out too.

I got joy joy joy, down in my heart...

2007-12-08T19:50:00.000-08:00

There's a cool song, a country one, called "If Jesus Came To Your House" it's kinda hokey country stuff. It's about forgiveness, and caring for your fellow man, and asking yourself if your living like a good christian. Some times I do, sometimes I need to sit down and have a good listen to that song.

Jesus came to my house. He was blue. I haxed Duwe stylez, coz it was cool.

Last weekend's project was refurbishing this old chair thats been sitting under the house rusting. I had stacks I bought off the preschool always planning to do something like this. I ended up giving a few to my tattooist and another friend who used them to be making some art. I finally decided to do another to match the original Max chair I made last year.

And I got some leather to do the trike seat. Currently it's being shaped to the alloy seat using my favourite sticky tape and some big bad clamps. I have some rivets somewhere in this house, I just need to find them and that bit will be done.

Cans of spaghetti...

2007-12-06T11:57:00.000-08:00

Another idea I'm gonna have a toy with and talk to a friend about... Wrapping spray cans with art by Graf artists. Also would like to do cinder blox. Xmas fundraising is in full swing...

Anyone who wants to sponsor me into some strontium aluminate is welcome. I know there's an NZ supplier, seen the site but forgot to bookmark...

Statcounter I love your trackback feature!

The monkeys, they're breeding!!

2007-12-04T18:09:00.000-08:00

I made more monkeys on the weekend. I have a dire need to start hanging them around town. I s'pose it could be a barrel of monkeys promo idea but waiting is hard.

In other "hanging things" news, threw an idea at a friend at a shoe company based around the classic sneakers over powerlines thing. For Xmas I want to put LED's inside them, so they sparkle. Xmas in the Ghetto! If i have any spare cash I'll build a mock-up.

Never got round to that Summer Knights mix...

2007-12-01T00:18:00.000-08:00

but will soon. Promise. Right now though, I got Piha FM, so you know, wtf...

speaking of Piha FM, here's a cool idea I'm trying to talk to them about doing.

Fun weekend project methinks.

(I improvised an aerial with a coat-hanger, upholstery pin and my swiss army knife to get radio reception)

Monkey Biz

2007-11-25T15:06:00.000-08:00

I got super busy, making monkeys. Not more childeruns, but real fake monkeys. As demonstrated in this handy photo montage shown here. Did a trace, a print, sprayglued on borrowed Mum's jigsaw (Cheers Ma!) bought those nice thin blades – good for curves, cut, painted, repeated a few times, and then went for a walk with my monkey.

Sent him up the tree. I wasn't climbing up that high.
He's only 4, not too attached, easy to replace.

There will be more monkeys.

Want some? Sing out and we'll sort something out.

Gold.

WIN!!

Got some trike time too, with a nice new coat of Matt White on the rim, and sprayed the pedally bit (tech-term), might get some Billet pedals made, that'd be mean. Here's how cool that front wheel is gonna look, no wonder it took so long, it's fucking ace.

I don't think I could make this post any cooler, unless it had drug references and it had Monkey songs posted up too.

Oh shit. It does!!

This here is a
Monkey Biz zip file link I found.
It’s a sniffle under 60 meg.

Spray Cans & Plans

2007-11-22T23:52:00.000-08:00

Bought a few cans today but main focus is on a couple of work things at the mo so this is getting a little neglec. Got some delicious Shadow Factory stuff happening. Maybe an update over the weekend.

Brighten up...

2007-11-19T23:50:00.000-08:00

Hmmm.

Here's some links to some singing I found.

Especially loving Miles Davis at the moment. Wondering if that's anything to do with the increasing amount of lonelytime I get or just the grey hairs. Whatever. It's ace.
Here's a track list, ain't an album, just some sounds.

Brighten Up – 44meg
Also Johnny at San Quentin, case you need some Prison Blues

News in the morning

2007-11-15T11:09:00.000-08:00

That is, I'll post some news then.

The night is young...

2007-11-14T22:49:00.003-08:00

I've got a big conference day tomorrow. So tonight I'm drinking beer and going out to fly a plane or two. Photos later hopefully.

Sunny days are here again...

2007-11-13T15:36:00.000-08:00

The sun hit town on the weekend. I dearly tried to get a post up for the Monday traffic, but you know, work and all that.
I was sitting around on the weekend, camping in the backyard with the Boys, hanging at the beach watching horses and kids splashing and a half marathon roll past. Usual Shit. This was pretty much the sound track, summer songs from the Captain Stardust folder in my iTunes. It was so fucking ace I had to share.
Sunny Days 1 48meg
Sunny Days 2 60 Meg
Track list looks like this, and the cover is up the top. Duh.
Summer Knights mix in a day or so.

And this is the Twilight Singers doing Jose Gonzales’ Down the Line. Just ‘coz you love it.

Homegrown Tomatoes

2007-11-10T23:30:00.000-08:00

Van Morrison opens up the Fillmore West in 1970 with Moondance. It’s fast, it’s got horns and he hammers it out. Hammers. Go away old track. Don’t seem like he’s enjoying it. There’s some desperation till he remembers where the fun was, some piano. And I’m tapping some keys. And you can jump the next track, but then he’s telling the band we’re playing Crazy Love and he’s repeating it, so I wonder if the tracklist said something else? She gimme love, love, love, love crazy love.
I need her. Crazy love. Righteous. Mellow. Whole. Lord. Come a runnin to me. My still is bubbling. Made another few litres. Constant 90 and about to hit the 4 litre mark. First 100ml go down the drain. 4l water. Distill again. Another 4l. Filter 4 times. Interestingly I saw the new Diesel Alkypop being sampled yesterday in Glen Eden. I love the West. Diesel contans 4 y.o. Bourbon. And that’s better than a Woodstock – coz that stuff only hit 2 y.o. says the sampling guy. What shit. Not Old. Not Mature. Not Bourbon. My moonshine is better.

Bit of break in the concert there. These dreams of you kicks back in, all alive and warm, coz he got his faith together son!

I can’t remember where I picked up this bootleg from, but it’s ace. And, if you’re office-bound and need some music to get you through through a day, it ain’t gonna hurt you to check out Wolfgang’s Vault for their streams of classic concerts at the Fillmore, and, if youse a rich bro, buy something and whack it out as a torrentula™…

(If you love copyright issues, you’ll love…Larry Lessig – guy is guru!)

It’s too late to stop now!! You will not have a vocal chord left! Pwned. Rock my gypsy soul.

Been hitting the garden too. I planted some Gladioli last year but very few survived in the ground thru to this year due to my little friends. Got a few in pots though, so they should be ace. A couple of poppies have come thru, hopefully a Black and a Flemish Antique. And there y’all can see Theo with some Black From Tula tomato seedlings that we put into the beds we prepped up in winter. There’s something about home grown tomatoes…
Sprayed the trike in black but got waylaid in town yesterday and didn’t pick up the sand paper and fresh white to progress her.

Light Bombs

2007-11-08T21:28:00.000-08:00

K, i stumbled across a GRL trick called throwies (LED+battery+magnet), which are pretty cool and while wandering Welly I noticed a couple of metal sculptures that could benefit from some LED light action, but, of course, with a little MiG twist, so, Ladies and Gentlemen, my variation on a theme...

So the basic ingredients are here, some 3v button batteries, some LED's and some planes I already mounted on some foamboard. Watch.

A plane, cut out and the bits. One LED, one 3v, connect the LED and masking tape it on.

Then that gets attached to the bottom of the MiG. Tidy and, thanks to the delightfully thin battery, not as bulgy as the front of my pants.

OMFG! Afterburners. Top fucking Gun!!

Yeah, Hun in the sun! Achtung! Gott in Himmel!! She's nearly ready for action. I got magnets floating around somewhere. They'll get hot glued on, coz I ain't had the hotgluegun going in a while and I really like using it.

Time flies

2007-11-08T13:53:00.000-08:00

I'm maintaining the commitment to complete some projects, time however, is an evasive whore.
I did some Lego time with Vin, and taught him the important art of making a plane

Moonshining & Ratrodding

2007-11-04T15:33:00.001-08:00

I’ve been making a concentrated effort to do more productive stuff in the weekends and finish some projects. I also committed to doing more exercise and drinking less. Meh. The first project is the old trike that’s been rusting under the house. I wanna rat-rod it – flat black, bare metal and some bright red, kinda like this:

(There’s heaps more salty goodness like this from Bonneville here at jonesblog. Well worth a visit, great pics.)

PROJEKT 1

I stripped it down a while ago and pulled it apart then left it. Lazy bastard. You get an idea of the condition in the first pic. She’d been a seaside bike so she had a few rust bites before I abandoned it. Those are my assistants/apprentices/test pilots. Vinnie has his own drill and wire brush – he’s four. I didn’t get one till I was 22. I stripped the top of the frame back to bare metal last weekend, but left it outside, so after getting some surface rust off I gave it a few coats in clean, mean Matt Black. The metal is pretty badly pitted but you don’t notice so much. I likey.

I also stripped down the front guard. It’s a real nice shape and I decided after wire-brushing it down that it looked real good just like that. So I clear lacquered it.

I left this bit of the original paint on with a hint of the original pin-striping. Originally when I got it, my plan was to restore it to this kind of graceful state but then it just didn’t seem right, and the rat-rod thing seemed heaps cooler. And it’s a boys bike. My boys, and they like rock’n’roll and Falcon’s and Hot Rods. So this stays bare-metal and has a NZHRA sticker on the back. Looks like it was always there. I've stripped the spokes out of the rim, didn’t even break any. The rim is going to be white, the spokes red, pseudo-whitewall styles. Schmart. Pitted as fuck, three layers of primer and then some ‘Appliance White’ which undid my hard work. The cheap paint at The Warehouse is cheap for a reason. I’ll let it dry and redo it next weekend.

Also finished cleaning up the tray and coated it in grey primer. It’ll get the black treatment later, I just wanted to seal it and see how it looked. It looks good.

The spokes were all pitty and shitty, so they got the wire-brush and Theo polished them up a bit with some 1200. Then I devised this guru little painting rig – cardboard. They got primer then the shiniest Spraykote red I ever did see…

PROJEKT DUECE
So I put that aside to dry and moved my attentions to Project 2: Ethanol Production. Top quality drinking alckyhol, moonshine styles. I decided to do a double batch coz I can, which was lucky really coz one of the 24hr turbo yeasts wasn’t a 24hr one. So it was a gentle trickly kind of evening as the 70% spirit boiled off. I got litres and litres and litres. 8 litres to be exact. That’ll result in about 13 litres in the end. Nearly a dozen 40oz. For $40ish. Plus power – it does seem to take a while. I don’t even drink it. Here’s the rig in action…

PROJEKT THREE
So in keeping with the spirit (ba-fucking-ha) of this post, ladies and gentlemen, Moonshine Music, good honest hillbilly/rockabilly/cockabullyinarockpooly kinds of sounds, with a cover even. I didn’t post the files, I just lassoed the links…

Bob Seger - Midnight Rider
Lucero - Drink ‘til We’re Gone
Old Crow Medicine Show - James River Blues
Lynyrd Skynyrd - Things Going On
Neil Young & Crazy Horse - Running Dry
Dolly Parton - Daddy’s Moonshine Still
Jolie Holland - Moonshiner
Willard Grant Conspiracy - Ballad of a Thin Man
The Sadies -Talking Down
The Black Keys - Run Me Down
Waylon Jennings - Dukes of Hazzard

Matters of National Security

2007-11-01T01:51:00.000-07:00

So it was most exciting for me to be sitting in what is my increasingly regular seat, 2C, when who rolled in to sit next to me but Phil Goff. He's a regular on the 474 out of Wellywood, and usually the last to board. Coz he's all governmental I couldn't resist nosing at what he was reading. The title page was something from the Ministry of Defence. I decided not to read over his shoulder anymore. Instead I peeked at the lady in 1E, who was doing some top level Kiwibank stuff. They compete with ANZ, my company's client...

So then, landed in the AK and rang my mate Rich, who I was planning on meeting for a beer. He's a cop and had spent the day "hanging out with Jamie Lockett's mates". He couldn't do beer. Home for an Epic Porter.

The picture is something that magically appeared on a wall somewhere. Maybe a hotel. Dunno much about it myself. Got sent it bt a friend of a friend's cousin's friend. Yup.

I looked high and low for the Rage Against the Machine cover of Bombs Over Baghdad that apparently exists to post up but couldn't find it, nonetheless, Phil & Rich, this dance is for you...
Bombs over Baghdad - OutKast
Settle for Nothing - RaTM

Also, sidebar, The plane was a 'new look' Air New Zealand plane in bright green livery: Dear Air NZ Marketing department why don't you just paint "Oh fuck, we're so scared of the competition we've decided to paint our planes bright and exciting just like them" on the side?

Marc Ellis gives you AIDS

2007-10-31T15:29:00.000-07:00

When life gives you AIDS make Lemonaids they say, but, where does life get AIDS from? Simple really - Marc Ellis.

Charlies Juices is full of AIDS.

HIV in every sip. True.

So you'll die from drinking it. Like a gangster in a storm of 9 millies...Bang Bang